you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
