i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my being single is dangerous.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
