I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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