ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
