I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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