I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
