it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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