Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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