she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
