I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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