omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
