ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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