There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
