Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
