If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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