Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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