it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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