Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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