It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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