youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
where am i from again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
