Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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