We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
