He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
