He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
