We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
