...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
