Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
