dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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