you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menβs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iβm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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