Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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