Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
