I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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