Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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