i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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