so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize