he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
