1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
