Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
