They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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