we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't deserve a penis
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
