You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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