i permit you to call me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
