Where is the hickey?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And then he peed in my hair
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