my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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