Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
They took my balls.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
