I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
