Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
