only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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