Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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