as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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