Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up under a house in Key West
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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