oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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