No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
