Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
