She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
