420 ftw
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
