I just made out with a guy for $7.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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