If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
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i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
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I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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