If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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