Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize