Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
