we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
