Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
