I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He did a backflip because drugs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
