There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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