oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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