Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
