Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
