I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
