I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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