I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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