I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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