my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
